Those pesky New Years Resolutions are here again. We make promises we know we will never keep. Or we make them and don’t have the tools we need to make them succeed. Are you in that boat this year? One of the most common resolutions is to lose weight. The Health and Fitness industry makes millions on us every year. And more importantly, they want us to fail so we spend on our money with them next year.Continue reading “So, this is the year you are going to do it…”
I love my new life. I love the fact that after losing 80 lbs, I feel like a completely different woman. I love life!
BUT, there are a couple of odd side effects of losing 80 lbs.
I am sorry folks for not being more consistent with my blog postings. Life has been very strange for me the last few months.
First and foremost, I have remained consistent with my weight loss program. I have continued to work on tracking my food and increasing my activity. As of the writing of this post, I have lost 59.2 lbs! I am so excited about that. This has been a time of refreshing for me that I have needed.
More than I would like to realize, I have been comparing myself to others. I compare myself to what they look like, what they do, and who they are. But I am finding that only does one thing. Make me unhappy.
As I travel this journey I’m on, I am coming to the terms of one thing. Happiness is what I make it. Fulfillment of my life is what I make it. Weight loss is not going to make me happy. Weight loss is going to make me healthy. New clothes are not going to make me pretty, improving who I am on the inside is going to make me pretty.
I am finding the time during my recovery to sit down and think about my life goals. I am thinking about what I want to be when this journey to health is over. I am thinking about how I want to proceed with my life after all of this. One thing is for certain. The more I think about my hopes and dreams, the more certain I am not the person I want to be. But, I have two choices. I can sit here and wallow in self-pity or I can do something.Continue reading “A Road Less Traveled”
Over the last few months, I have been frustrated with my body. I have been frustrated with myself for putting myself in this situation. I have been battling demons. Demons that tell me to give up. Demons that tell me that I am not supposed to be fighting this journey.
In January, I was walking down a flight of stairs after making a food delivery. As I walked down the stairs, I missed a few steps. When my foot went down to the ground, my knee buckled and I fell. In that one instance, I broke my tibia plateau on my right knee. I was devasted because I had to be in bed with a brace from my right buttocks to my ankle. I could not sit in a chair. I could not maneuver around my small one bedroom apartment.Continue reading “It takes a lot to take me down”
Looking in the mirror can be one of the hardest things a person can do when they are overweight. The mirror holds nothing back. It shows every curve and blemish. What’s worse is the fact that it is staring back at us and sometimes, that is to much to handle.
Three months into my new journey and I am still struggling. But my struggle is different now. I look at my face in the mirrior and I struggle to see the changes. I struggle to see if this journey is really working for me. (Almost 35 lbs down, I know it is working.) But, when you see your face every single day, you do not always see the changes right away. When I see my face in the mirror, I still see that woman who was scared to death. I still see the woman who does not want to face life and face reality.Continue reading “Struggling with reality”
I apologize for not posting in awhile. The last month has been a whirlwind. It was met with highs and lows but as I sit here thinking about the last month, I can only smile with happiness. For the first time in years, I feel like myself. I feel like I am finally becoming me again. And you know what, I am excited.
In December 2015 after my first two surgeries and after losing 140 lbs, my husband and I were ready to embark on a whirlwind journey to try to have a baby. After 18 years of being told I was too fat and that is why I was not getting pregnant, I finally had a doctor listen to me.Continue reading “A moment to reflect…”
I am going to put out a disclosure at the beginning of this blog post. My disclosure is simply, I love my WW community. Throughout this journey, I have found friends through the WW community on Connect. But, I have seen a post repeatedly that I think needs to be addressed. Not because it is a WW issue, but because everyone who goes on this journey needs to understand it.
When we begin our weight loss journey no matter how many times we have done it before, we all focus on one thing. I have x amount of pounds to lose. I want to lose my weight. And then when something happens and we don’t lose in a particular week, we get upset. This mindset leads to failure. I am telling you from experience. If you become obsessed with the scale, YOU WILL FAIL. Continue reading “What are we doing?”
Today as I sit here, I am filled with thoughts of my sweet angel. My little precious baby I love more than life itself. I had planned this day out, but the Lord saw fit to change my plans. I wanted to be busy so I wouldn’t have time to think about my baby. But, God made today a moment to stop and reflect.
Three years ago today, after 18 years of trying to concieve, my husband and I lost our one and only child to miscarriage. Our sweet baby we had longed so much for was gone. We were devastated and heart-broken. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t see a child that I don’t think about my sweet Taylor.
Since that fateful day, every April 17th has been a heartache. My husband and I have always tried to spend the day together and reflect on our beautiful baby. Dreaming of the things we could have done with Taylor. We made Taylor a birthday cake and celebrated the life that we wanted so much.
But, this year was so much different. For one, I am changing my lifestyle and trying to eat right and heal my body from everything it has gone through. So, cake is kind of out of the question. The other issue was this was the first year I am by myself on our child’s heavenly birthday. I thought today would be hard and the thought of spending it by myself was devastating. So, I made plans with a lady from church. But, as my knee is healing and I did to much yesterday, I needed to stay home.
I have been afraid all week that I would gorge on food. As of this writing, I have not done that. I was afraid that I would feed my emotions with food. Make five trips to the McDonald’s and three to the Dairy Queen, just to escape the pain that I have been not wanting to face.
But, God had other plans. I have spent the day taking care of me. I have eaten healthy, scheduled a hair appointment for next week, and taken the time to reflect. I have colored in my new prayer journal and spent some time thinking about what and awesome blessing it is to be a mother – even if my child is no longer here. God gave me the biggest blessing when he made me a mother. And I can never change the outcome, but I can always praise my creator and sustainer for seeing me through.
Today is a success. Today was not as I planned or wanted, but I have survived. I have not cried once. But, I have not filled my face with emotional eating either. It is a win!