This post is going to be very very raw. Just because I want to bring awareness to depression and anxiety. I am currently writing an article on what it is like to be a Christian and suffer from both. As I thought about the last month, especially yesterday, I thought I would share the raw with you today. Because yesterday was one of those days that showed the gambit.
Sometimes in life you get a sucker punch in the gut. That is how I have felt the last month. It’s been extremely rough on me emotionally. Some of y’all know what has been going on, some don’t, but it has been an emotional roller coaster. From moments of sheer bliss to moments I think Jason is literally worried.
Yesterday, life was fine. Until I received one piece of news – I may be losing one of the links in my chain of support that helps me battle the depression and anxiety. It sent me spiraling to the point I could barely breathe through my tears. My calming mechanisms tried to kick in but they didn’t. I finally sat down next to Jason constantly rocking and crying. He held me and rubbed my back because he knows that calms me down. Jason finally calmed me down enough to be able to take a moment to myself. Jason drew me a bath and I put my peppermint and lavender oils in and I just soaked.
Jason needed to go pick up a new prescription for my nerve pain. While we were out, he received a call. In that call we found a blessing. The blessing was such that it again sent me into tears, but this time it was tears because I saw God’s grace, mercy, and love. You know the moment I mean when you see God’s hand is in everything and you know you are not on this journey of life alone. That no matter what, you’re loved.
Last night Jason made me dinner. He made me one of my favorites. Something my WW tracker normally says is Jakie Burgers. He made me homemade fries. (The man can cook.) But, then he just sat with me the rest of the night. I don’t remember what we were even watching on tv to be honest. We sat there and he again rubbed my back so that I could be calm and sleep.
You see depression and anxiety is not from distrust in God or something. It’s that raw real emotion that you get throughout the day. It’s not something to be taken lightly or even blown off. It’s real and it’s here.