I failed. I fail every time.
I fail because even after a year and a half of learning skills to deal with my emotions, what do I do? I run to food. I run to things that make me feel good. And darn it, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies do the trick for me. Either that or those milk chocolate covered pretzels. (Oooh, I forgot about that Whatchamacalit in my fridge.)
Why do I sabotage myself? I don’t understand why it is so hard for me to deal with heartbreak and bad news. I still don’t understand why my only coping skill that I know how to use is food.
What is it going to take for me to break this nasty habit? What is it going to take for me to break this endless cycle of unhealthy coping skills? I wish I knew. I wish I understood why when I get truly devastated the only thing that seems to make me feel better is food.
This was supposed to be such a good week on the scale. Instead, it is going to bring me heartache and more bad food choices because I feel like a complete loser for letting my emotions dictate what I eat, especially since I know so much better.
I am sitting here on my chair with my dog in my lap and I wonder if I will ever learn what it means to be confident enough in myself to learn how to deal with these things. I guess this is a learning process. And I learned this week that I am not prepared to be on my own. I learned that I am going to need my WW family the rest of my life. And that is okay.
So, I am making a commitment to you today that I am getting back on track and getting back on track for me. I am going to put my emotions aside and blog about my emotions instead of feeding my emotions. Maybe if I complain on my blog it will help me release my emotions and learn how to deal with them. Who knows, it might work.