I failed. I fail every time.

I fail because even after a year and a half of learning skills to deal with my emotions, what do I do? I run to food. I run to things that make me feel good. And darn it, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies do the trick for me. Either that or those milk chocolate covered pretzels. (Oooh, I forgot about that Whatchamacalit in my fridge.)

Why do I sabotage myself? I don’t understand why it is so hard for me to deal with heartbreak and bad news. I still don’t understand why my only coping skill that I know how to use is food.

Junk food was my salvation this week. 😦

What is it going to take for me to break this nasty habit? What is it going to take for me to break this endless cycle of unhealthy coping skills? I wish I knew. I wish I understood why when I get truly devastated the only thing that seems to make me feel better is food.

This was supposed to be such a good week on the scale. Instead, it is going to bring me heartache and more bad food choices because I feel like a complete loser for letting my emotions dictate what I eat, especially since I know so much better.

I am sitting here on my chair with my dog in my lap and I wonder if I will ever learn what it means to be confident enough in myself to learn how to deal with these things. I guess this is a learning process. And I learned this week that I am not prepared to be on my own. I learned that I am going to need my WW family the rest of my life. And that is okay.

So, I am making a commitment to you today that I am getting back on track and getting back on track for me. I am going to put my emotions aside and blog about my emotions instead of feeding my emotions. Maybe if I complain on my blog it will help me release my emotions and learn how to deal with them. Who knows, it might work.

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